What to do when you child has been taken and access is denied?

Stop! Read this now. Your future self will thank you.

Your child's access to you has been restricted or denied. This is a terrifying and disorienting moment. Both of us ended up in court despite our best efforts to avoid it. Spoiler alert: court isn't as scary as it sounds, and I wish I had initiated proceedings sooner. From this moment on, every action you take may be used as evidence.

There is a chance this will end up in court. Every action you take—or don't take—could be used as evidence. Do not reward your ex-partner by giving them fuel for the fire. Stay calm and do not say or act in a way that makes you look like the irrational or aggressive parent.

From now on, it is your job to show and prove that you are the rational, calm parent who is always acting in the best interests of your child.

The First Steps When Your Access to Your Child Is Denied

Right now, you're likely feeling frustrated, angry, and in despair. It’s incredibly difficult to think rationally in this moment, but your future self will be grateful if you take a moment to pause. You may be tempted to knock on the door, beg your ex to see your child, or take action you will later regret. The feeling of being denied access to your child can be one of the worst experiences imaginable.

This is what I wish I had done the moment my child was taken and their access to me, their father, was restricted.

What to Do Right Now (Actions in Your Child's Best Interest)

The court's primary concern is what's in the best interest of the child. Your actions should reflect this principle.

Take a moment. Breathe and try to calm your emotions. The decisions you make in the next few hours will be critical. This shows you're a parent who can handle stress without becoming erratic, which is in your child's best interest.

Reach out. Contact a trusted family member, a close friend, or a support charity. This demonstrates you have a healthy support system and are not acting in isolation. A parent who can seek help is a good parent.

Document everything. Start a detailed log of all communication attempts, denial of access, and any other relevant events. This isn't for revenge; it's to create a clear, factual timeline if you need to present your case. This shows you are organized and focused on a formal resolution, rather than emotional outbursts.

Practical Measures You Can Take

Create an online folder. Set up a secure, private digital folder to store all relevant information.

Download all communications. Save all your communications with your ex-partner from every platform: WhatsApp, Facebook, Signal, emails, and text messages. It's best to download them into one organized file if possible. You can use search functions to help build evidence for your case or to counter false allegations. Both of us have experienced false information that could be proven wrong by past communications.

Download your calendar. Keep a record of all events, appointments, and especially scheduled time with your child.

Change your passwords. Update the passwords for every one of your online accounts to ensure your privacy and security.

Do not change the locks. If both of your names are on the mortgage or deed, changing the locks could have legal consequences.

What to Avoid at All Costs (Behaviors Not in Your Child's Best Interest)

These behaviors can be used as evidence that you are the less suitable parent.

Do not keep calling or messaging your ex, whether they answer or not. Repeated contact can be seen as harassment and may be used against you. This behavior shows a lack of control and is not in the child's interest as it escalates conflict.

Do not show up at their door to take your child back. This can be viewed as abduction and will severely harm your case. This is a key example of an action that puts your own frustration above the child’s stability.

Do not write or publish anything about your ex or the situation on social media. This is not the time for public shaming. Any posts can be used as evidence of your state of mind or a lack of good judgment. A parent who publicly shames their co-parent is not acting in the child's best interest.

Do not repeatedly call your ex's family members. This can escalate the situation and also be seen as harassment.

Do not raise your voice, shout, or call names. Maintain your composure, no matter how hard it is. Every interaction you have, in person or on the phone, could become part of the record. These actions demonstrate instability and an inability to co-parent peacefully, which is never in a child's best interest.

Focus on your emotional well-being and making rational decisions. These first steps are the most important for protecting both yourself and your relationship with your child in the long run.